Gifts of the Force
by Borath
Summary: QuiGon finds that the force has a horrible sense of humour. Fortunately, Mace is good enough to help keep this new problem a secret and to effectively bail him out. Mpreg, but nothing hardcore.


Gifts Of The Force 

by Borath (borath84@hotmail.com) 

  
  
Rating: PG   
  
Pairings: None  
  
Archive: Just lemme know where you put it.

Category: Drama / POV/ Q/O  
  
Series: None

Feedback: Please send feedback to me.  I need it!   
  
Notes: Only light overtones of slash.  This is b-b fic so if that squicks you, press 'back' now.  I've only read a few 'one of the guys is pregnant' fics and have been annoyed that it is ALWAYS Obi-Wan.  And when it was Qui-Gon, it was a dream! (Stranger Things Have Happened by Sidewinder)  So, what do you do when no-one has written the story you want to read.  Why, you write it yourself!

Disclaimer:  All recognizable characters are owned by ye old lucky git George Lucas.  I use them without permission to put through the creative blender and cost them years of physiological abuse, which results in huge shrink bills...  I'll stop now.  Li'Ra is mine.  

  
Warnings: None   
  
Summary: Qui-Gon swore never to tell Obi-Wan that he is in love with him.  Unfortunately the Force disagrees and has a sadistic way of showing it.  There be slash here!  Don't flame me for your ignorance!

****

I don't know exactly when I fell in love with my apprentice.  I can't define the exact moment, gesture or word spoken in those smooth tones that I have come to love that allowed him to capture my heart forever.  Perhaps it was some feeling that had exploded like a nova in his eyes, or a particular sweep of the lightsabre that pulled skin taunt over muscle.  All I knew was that I loved him so much it hurt, and that the repercussions of that love would cause him grief should I ever reveal my feelings to him.

The sheer strength of my feelings would scare the poor young man to death should he ever sense them.  So, acting like the proper, calm, venerable master, I sealed away those feelings in a corner of my soul marked 'never to be opened'.  I continued in this frame of mind for several years, content just to enjoy Obi-Wan's nearness and the close relationship I already had with him.  Why spoil it?

All my carefully laid plans were annihilated, however, by a swift and extraordinary act of the Force.  My ally for so many years had suddenly and cruelly twisted into my enemy.  

I was pregnant.

How in the Sith that happened is beyond my comprehension.  Firstly, I had been celibate ever since my love for Obi-Wan was fully realised, the thought of laying with another seeming dishonorable in my mind and heart.  

If I was of a species where males were capable of bearing young I would have believed it sooner, and accepted it better.  However, being human, this was physically impossible and this only worried me further.  Everything around me became surreal and for a while; everything moved towards and past me, rather than me walking towards or past them myself.  I was partially convinced that my situation was a cruel dream that I was drifting through, concocted by my imagination in the depth of the night.

My second shock came when I finally gathered my nerve to delve into the Force, to determine if the test I had taken had been fluke, that everything was some horrible mistake on my part.

I remember that test.  Mace had noticed my daily visit to the refresher where I found myself regurgitating whatever I had eaten in the last few hours.  This was when I was still in denial.  He had given me the test as an innocent joke with a large grin on his face.  He was not as twisted internally as I was having 'sensed' another life within me earlier that week, faint and possibly imagined, but there all the same.

He probably expected me to throw it away without a second thought, but, overwhelmed with curiosity as I was, I took it.  After leaving it to work, I had simply stared at it from the other side of the room, fearful that in some strange way it would attack me.  

I couldn't see what colour it was from my post at the chair, and I remember moving backwards and forward a cautious meter every couple of minutes.  Finally, I scolded myself for my un-Jedi behaviour.  It was a pregnancy test!  That's all.  Could I really expect anything to come of it?  I was a human male and I have not been with anyone for months.  There was no need for this stupid fear, yet still it chewed at the back of my mind, like a splinter in my brain, slowly driving me insane.

I remember walking towards the thing in four decisive steps and picking it up, staring at it boldly.  I think I gasped, no, I'm sure I did, and dropped the stupid thing too.  It fell in such a way that the part I did not want to see was staring back up at me, mocking me silently.

It was blue.

I stumbled backwards for a chair and fell into it heavily, my thoughts twirling around in my head and that damnable nauseous feeling swelling up inside me like a wave.  

Returning to the second surprise I had coming my way; it had taken me an entire day of meditation on the matter before I had screwed up enough courage to delve fully into the Force, to seek the answer I wanted but dreaded knowing.

I had always felt at peace in the Force, but now I was nervous I found immersing myself harder than it should have been.  Sweeping aside my thoughts, concerns and worries like I had been taught to so many years ago, I was admitted into its splendor and began my search through the brilliant lights and energies.

There had been no denying it when I finally found that light, that spark so closely tied to my own, still developing in the Force as a reflection of what it was doing in my body.  I was immensely glad it was so small; I would have missed it had I not been looking specifically for it, which meant that no-one but myself was aware of its existence. 

Carefully erecting a shield around the tiny blink of life, I now had the security I wanted to examine it without fear of its discovery.  It was definitely my own, its energy signature an echo of mine.  But the energies it was created with were unsettlingly familiar.

I'm sure my shock lashed out across every member of the Temple as the realization of THAT discovery set in.  I had receded back, but another glance confirmed what I already knew. 

I was pregnant with Obi-Wan's child.

I felt sick, which was unsurprising.  Profoundly relieved that I had not made my search in the gardens as I had originally planned, I was only alone with the 'freasher for a few minutes before the door chime sounded.  In no mood for company, I had promptly ignored it, but, alas, the door hushed open and Mace was soon stood over me, gripping my shoulder and handing me a damp cloth when I was done.

Guiding me into the living area, he instructed me to sit and tell him exactly what had happened to create such a backlash of Force energy that had caused many tears in the initiates ward.  

I had already bled my soul concerning my forbidden love to this man, my closest friend, and so, after much controlled breathing on my part, I told him exactly what had been happening until this day.  

Thankfully, he understood the depth of my dilemma.  Having a child with the man I loved who was entirely ignorant of my feelings and did not return them was probably not a good thing.  It was a good two hours of solid discussion, well, debate would describe it more accurately, before some sort of agreement had been made.

I was a simple arrangement and sound in my opinion; Mace wouldn't say a word to Obi-Wan until I was ready.  That part went down well with him, but the next point was fought against tooth and nail.

Unable to destroy a life that was so obviously a gift of the Force, an abortion was entirely out of the question.  I did not, however, want Obi-Wan to be aware of this child's existence, and if he did somehow find out, I did not want him discovering it was his.

It sounds unreasonable, I know, but considering our history, it is the best option in my belief.  I shunted the poor boy after my heart went through a proverbial blender regarding Xanatos's betrayal, and then spent years being quite unreasonable as a Master.  I didn't praise him enough, merely pointed out his failings and how he could improve.  I got past that, naturally, with his help and a solid back-hand from Mace one night that knocked a good lot of sense into me.

My feelings are unrequited, this I am sure of, and I know that for Obi-Wan to learn that his Master is in love with him and expecting his child in the same day would be too much for him to cope with.  Sith, I knew of my feelings towards him for years and this child still caused me to go into a state of shock for days at its discovery.

Perhaps it was a loving respect for me that made Mace agree with my plan.  Or perhaps it was the desperate look in my eyes.  Whatever happened in his mind only allowed him to assist me on my, looking back now, entirely idiotic mission.  It was probably one of the biggest mistakes of my life.  No.  Considering it now I believe that it was THE biggest mistake of my life.

****

Terrified, I had somehow convinced Mace to act as a Council member and allocate me a long and, quite frankly, stupidly simple mission to some far off planet away from Coruscant.  More importantly, I was leaving Obi-Wan behind and as much as this pained me, it was the best option for all parties.  I could have this baby in peace and hand it over to the Temple as a stray and Obi-wan would be none-the-wiser, spending long over-due time with his friends and catching up on his studies.

Mace wouldn't let me go alone though, and being the only person other than myself who knew, he came with me.  Regarding the mission his presence was entirely unnecessary but regarding the life growing within my abdomen, it was greatly needed and welcomed.  

I swear Yoda knew. I had wondered naively why exactly he had been smiling at me for the last week.  That conniving little troll probably knew about it before I did, otherwise he wouldn't have allowed us to leave without question, or inquired why I was leaving behind my charge in his care. He also saw us off at the transport depot.  I don't know if he followed us, all I remember is glancing out of the window and seeing him standing on the boarding platform, an island of calm in the chaos of the people around him.  

I felt at ease in the knowledge that he knew, knowing that he would protect me against any questions that would undoubtedly be proposed by the other party involved in my situation.  I had almost convinced myself that everything would be alright.  It was only a few months away from my beloved, and then everything could return to normal.  Unfortunately, the Force was not as relenting as I had hoped it would be.

****

The mission was simple and, as a result, extremely tedious, but I was grateful for both as it allowed me to cope with the way in which my life had been turned upside down.  I was not, however, grateful for the narrow bunks that were provided in these transport ships, making sleep that much harder to obtain.

Mace and I had been in this nebula for three months now, escorting delegates back and forth between the planets.  It was a simple trade negotiation; the planets wanted to establish trade with each other and, although their communication facilities were vastly impressive, their methods of space transportation were not.  The weak ships were easy prey to pirates and so the Republic was involved to discuss lending ships to the system to start the trade network before the crafts were paid for in full.  They would then belong to the people of the nebula and we would no longer be needed.

It was a babysitting mission at its core. We merely had to accompany the delegates on the Republic's ship as they traveled from planet to planet.  Then, we had to oversee the meetings and get back on the ship again.  The people insisted that they have meetings on the different planets rather than bringing all the delegates to one planet, which would make them an easier and more destructive target to be attacked.  Communication links were established to all off world peoples that needed to be involved, and this situation allowed our mission to be, in essence, as long as we deemed necessary.

At just over three months, my condition is beginning to become apparent but it is still easily hidden under full Jedi robes.  I do not want these overly polite people sending transmissions of congratulations back to the temple so they have to be kept in the dark along with the rest of the galaxy.  Honestly, all this secrecy is beginning to wear on my last nerve.

Mace has been, and still is, unbelievably supportive, putting up with my variety of moods that seem to be changing without my knowing until the last minute.  The restless nights, I know, have been a burden to him, but he says nothing, and I think he finds my constant craving for coffee amusing rather than annoying.

My stomach feeling particularly volatile this morning, I had not resisted his insistence that I stay in the cabin today.  I expect him back soon; as if on cue, the door hisses open and the dark skinned Jedi steps inside to greet me.  He looks tired and a pang of guilt tweaks my stomach, his near exhaustion being mostly my fault.

"Stop thinking that Qui," he warns me with a finger and thin smile.  "You can't help your discomfort and I cannot help caring about you enough to stay up with you."

I smile wryly back at him.  "It's ironic.  It's your touch that seems to soothe both him and myself."

His face slowly splits into a huge grin at that.  I had been savoring that snippet of information all morning, tempted to tell him through our mental connection and share my joy but opting instead to witness his reaction as well as feel it.  Right now, bubbles of happiness are bursting all about me in the Force.

"A son?" he asks me softly, and I nod with a smile of my own.  I feel oddly satisfied, pleased with myself at somehow creating this life.  I am beginning to see this child as a blessing, a gift from the Force, now that the initial shock has worn off.

"That's wonderful Qui," he exclaims, gripping both my hands in his own.  He frowns at me.  I must look pale again.  That's not overly shocking; I haven't had my head out of the 'freasher for more than ten minutes today and sleep has been out of my grasp for a week.

He shook his head in sympathy at my condition, not because he needs to take action to help me.  Again.  I think he actually takes pleasure in the fact that he is able to help me as effectively as he can.

Moving directly behind me on the narrow bunk, he leans back against the metal wall and pulls me back towards him by my waist.  This is a position I've often found us in; Mace straddling my body and me lent back against his broad chest.  He usually reads from a pad in his hand, one arm resting on his knee by my head and the other draped over my swollen abdomen, fingers moving in slow, lazy, circular motions over my tunics as soothing energies are sent from him into my body.

Like I said, it is only his touch that seems to sooth us both.

I can feel myself falling asleep now and I sense Mace is doing the same behind me, his head now lying against my shoulder as mine is into his.  I murmur my thanks but I don't think he heard me.  Not that it matters.  I know he felt it.

****

Two more months of travelling in sleep cots too short for my legs pass and then it appeared that the negotiations were drawing to an end.  It was only the previous morning when the ambassadors thanked us intensely for our help, promising to sing our praises to the Temple and apologized for keeping us away from home for so long.

I panicked.  Outright.  I had the sense to do that when Mace and I were alone though, finding that I could still pace as well as before whilst heavily pregnant and in a confined space.

"We can't go back now, Mace.  I can't.  He'll find out.  I can't deal with that now.  I can't," I ramble almost senselessly, making another complete turn as I encounter a wall in our small cabin. 

Mace stops me then, grabbing me firmly by the shoulders and staring into my eyes intently.  "You have to face him eventually.  You can't avoid this forever and you know it, but for now I agree with you.  You're in no state to talk to Obi-Wan now.  You need to talk to him out of your own decision, not after having been forced to like now.  That is, if you choose to."

I know what the right answer is to that hanging question, but I simply can't.  I can't risk hurting him.  I can't unload that much on the man I love when he doesn't even feel the same way towards me.  Mace knows my thoughts; we've discussed it enough, and I know he will respect my decision whatever it is.

I'm too worked up and I can feel it taking its toll on me.  There are too many thoughts and emotions in my head and my vision tunnels, my stance becoming unstable as the room lurches and spins before me.  Mace lunges at me, capturing me before I can hit the solid floor, which, wouldn't have been to my advantage.

When I come back to my senses, I'm lying along the bunk with my head and shoulders cradled in Mace's lap, a damp cloth being dabbed across my face.  I sigh in annoyance and relief, a strange combination to be honest.

He smiles down at me again.  "I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have thrown so much at you."

  
"S'lright, " I whisper back, my throat suddenly dry.  He doesn't look convinced though, and I can feel his guilt as he looks away from me.  "Mace, look at me,"  I'm satisfied that he does, willing to listen to me.

"I couldn't have come his far without your support, really.  I would have done something stupid out of fear that I'd regret for the rest of my life.  And your occasional 'slap around the face' has helped me rather than hurt me.  It brings me back to reality when I get, worked up."

I smile sheepishly at the latter and make an attempt to sit up.  Darkness that suddenly invades my vision advises me against that action and I am lowered back down by Mace's firm hand.  I am resigned to lie over him and he is resigned to remain where he is for some time to come.  That guilt surfaces again.  Honestly, this is happening so much now it's becoming normal.

I startle him with my surprised intake of air, my face freezing with shock.  I feel it again and I grip Mace's hand, bringing it down onto my stomach and moving it minutely until it is in the correct place.  My hand still over his, I feel my son move against me again in either a kick or a punch.  My guess is the former.

His face breaks into a grin that must mirror my own and we remain like that until he settles again, the movement no longer frequent.  Mace breaks the comfortable silence between us after a few minutes.

"I feel blessed to be with you in moments like this.  Thank you," he admits softly, gazing down at me again warmly.  I shake my head in silent mirth.  I still think it's me who should be thanking him.

****

By some miracle, which I have called Yoda, we had been assigned a new mission, which will last until I am able to return to Coruscant.  This one is as simple and safe as the last and only requires Mace's active participation.  I'm slightly upset at having to stay in our new quarters like some invalid, but I don't seem to have much of a choice.  

My stomach is now large enough to cause me consistent discomfort, a step up from before when it was just often.   I'm uncomfortable whatever position I'm in and the tautness of skin that was not designed to be stretched is finally getting to me.  

Mace and I have discerned that this won't be a nine-month pregnancy.  I appear to be full term now, which I have had confirmed by Mace's regular inspections.  I find it endearing that he would work so hard for me and I promise to myself that I will dedicate myself this thoroughly to him should he have need of me in the future.

A month ago, the actual birth did not bother me in terms of 'how', but now it is pressing most seriously on my mind, and that of my friends'.  The Force hasn't provided me with a natural method of any description so it appears that I will need a caesarian to remove my son from my body.  

We have discussed it and have come up with three options.  When I do go into labor, I could go into the medical facilities of this planet which are inadequate given my, circumstances.  If there were complications, they would be helpless to do anything as none are Force-sensitive, which they would need to be to birth this child.

My second option would be to have Mace borrow the necessary equipment from the same medical facilities and use the Force and his own skill to help me and my child.  The third choice was out of the question entirely.  I could go back to Coruscant and have my child in a fully equipped medical facility with a Force sensitive healer capable of helping me.  That would also arise all the issues that I had been dodging from by going on this mission in the first place.  I decided I liked option two best.

I trust Mace to carry out the procedure but, naturally, I am fearful.  I am also growing concerned that I may not be able to give up this child that I have spent so many happy days with already, trying, yes, but joyous too.  I know what I must do, and stiffening my resolve, I know that I will be able to hand him over to the Temple as another's.  I will not be separated entirely; I will be able to watch over him from a distance, taking pride in his achievements and joy in his life.  Everything will return to normal soon

I am conducting this old internal debate in the shared quarters Mace and I have been given, housed in some habitat complex in the city our mission is to take place.  Mace is out overseeing some negotiations by the ruling bodies of this planet, and I'm stuck here with my frustrating thoughts until he returns.

I sense someone's presence outside the door, and knowing that it isn't Mace, I stand to greet them as I await the door chime.  It doesn't come.  Instead, the doors are abruptly forced apart and a canister thrown into the room which immediately starts to administer thick, choking plumes of gas.

My Jedi reflexes are my saving grace one again, and I am able to take in a lung-full of air before activating my lightsabre, the light from the green blade casting as eerie glow over the white cloud I am totally immersed in.  I deflect two of the beams of energy blasted at me, but the third catches me in the shoulder, causing me to inadvertently gasp in a mouthful of gas.

I'm not injured, I note as I slide to the carpet, only stunned. Awake long enough to see several booted feet approach me cautiously, it is only moments before the gas take's its toll and I succumb completely.

****

When I finally come back to the world of the living, I note that something is kicking me, not hard, but forceful enough to gain my attention.  Moving my thigh away from my attacker, I open my eyes to find myself in a huge, dimly lit room.

An attempt to move my arms reveals that they are bound securely at the wrist behind me about a large metal pillar that runs from floor to ceiling.  Looking down to determine what had been striking me, I see a leg bent awkwardly about the pillar.  I know that leg.

"Mace?" I ask softly, turning my head naturally in an attempt to see my friend about the thick pillar.  I can make out the side of his face; an onyx eye fixed on mine in concern.

"Qui," he responds, sounding relieved. "Are you alright?"

I try to shift my body in an attempt to alleviate the discomfort of the weight on my front.  I fail miserably.

"I'm fine, just a little uncomfortable," I reply with a slight shrug to myself.  I settle on unfolding my legs from beneath me and laying them out flat in front of me.  It does little but at least now I can relax back against the pillar more.  "Are you alright?"

"Fine.  I was stunned and brought here whilst on my way to that meeting.  They brought you in unconscious about two hours ago.  You were really worrying me," he confessed, voice lowering slightly.

Again I'm touched by this man's concern over my well being.  He continues on though in the same, strong tone.

"We're in some kind of warehouse away from them.  There are no guards that I can sense and no-one has come since you arrived, so they obviously have no use for us.  I don't know what they're planning, but they don't want us getting in the way."

I nod slightly in understanding, trying to disperse the ache that is droning behind my eyes.  Well, as long as they aren't going to burst in unexpectantly...  Inhaling deeply, I settle for undoing these ropes and getting out of here as soon as possible.  I grunt in surprise and pain as the ache in my head suddenly seeps about my skull and thwacks me in the temple.  Releasing my hold on the Force immediately, I feel Mace grip at my forearms to attract my attention.

"Apparently that gas had other properties than just knocking us out.  We can sense things through the Force but any attempt to actually use it results in an almighty, and very distracting, headache.  Don't try it again."

Well, that at least answered my unasked question regarding why Mace was still here.  Complying to get us out the old fashioned way, I decided to work on the ropes. Twisting my hands up, I start on the large knots in the rope.  Just over an hour later my hands are bleeding and I admit defeat.  We're stuck here until this gas wears off or someone lets us go.

I'm starting to feel overwhelmingly tired and ask Mace if he feels the same way, perhaps this being another effect of the gas.  Apparently it's just me and he tells me to sleep for a bit and regain my energy.  

I'm touched once again by this man's concern over me and do as I am bid.  Settling back as much as I am able against the pillar, I close my eyes and allow my mind and body rest.

****

I did not wake up again under the best of circumstances.  It was obviously night of some description on the planet for it was quieter and the lights were out.  Mace was breathing softly behind me, obviously having fallen asleep at some point, his arms slack against mine.  

I'm not sure what exactly brought me back from the dream realm, and am unsettled by the tense feeling in my abdomen.  Positive that this isn't a good sign, I consider alerting Mace but change my mind before I can speak.

What good would it do?  We would still be tied up here with no way out.  There was no way for him to help me and so no sense in waking him, of depriving him of sleep that would bring him strength we might both need later.

Without warning, I feel a dampness spread down my thighs and my stomach clenches into a heavy iron knot.  My mind struggles to realize what my body is telling it.  

I'm in labor.

I can hear my breathing getting out of control and regulate it, accepting the situation and absorbing the surprise and downright fear I am feeling.  It works and I am no longer on the verge of hyperventilating, but I'm still in shock.  How can this be happening now?

A sense of urgency permeates my being.  We need to get out of here NOW.  It will only be a few hours before the pain becomes unbearable and Mace must take the child from me.  I look around me vainly, hoping to see something that could aid us in escape.  I'm despaired to learn that the warehouse is devoid of anything beside us, or so I can tell.

Mace has obviously sensed my chaotic emotions and is roused from sleep.  I can feel him grip my forearms loosely, as if discerning whether or not I'm still there.  Of course I'm still here! 

"Qui, what's wrong?" he asks with obvious concern.  He can obviously feel the slight tremble passing through my frame.

"Mace, we have to get out of here.  My water just broke and ugh-"

I experienced my first contraction.  It didn't hurt enough to warrant a vocalization; it just caught me off guard.  I'm not even sure why my body is bothering with contractions.  I don't know where it thinks it's sending this baby, but from what I can feel the general direction is up.

It passes quickly and I release a breathe I hadn't realised I'd been holding.  Mace's grip on my arms had increased in strength and now it lessens slightly.  Obviously he is as worried as I am.  I can't even be sure if it was normal for a contraction to follow so soon after my water broke.  I kick myself mentally for not researching this all properly.  I only read what would happen in order, not paying attention to how long the time period was between each process.  

"Damn it Qui, speak to me!" he exclaimed after I was silent for too long.  I assured him that I was fine although my heart was not completely behind the comment.  He probably noticed that but said nothing, which I am thankful for.

Another wave of pain suddenly explodes about me and I do feel a need to express that one, a low moan escaping my clenched jaw as I strain against the pillar we are bound so cruelly to.  I'm starting to think that this is all happening WAY too fast and it's the gas's fault.  

Making a mental note to express my thoughts to whomever threw that stuff at me when I see them, I yank at the ropes holding me down hard in an almost desperate attempt to free myself.  Mace starts talking to me in soothing tones, as if he was approaching a frightened animal.  I wasn't really listening to what he was saying; only the warm tones of my friend was what brought me back from the brink of desperation.  

Feeling more level headed now I trust my voice enough to speak.  "It's the gas.  Can you feel anything we can use to undo these ropes?"

He goes quiet for a moment, stretching out with his mind to search about the warehouse.  Obviously the Force associated aspect of the gas has almost worn off entirely as I can hear a scraping sound as he drags something over from across the building.  It's a piece of the roof; a metal strip with a sharp edge where it was broken away.  Perfect.

Gripping it in his right hand, he twists it so that the makeshift blade is against the rope and begins to saw away at the intertwined fibers.  It's agonizingly slow work and I know he is going as quickly as possible, desperate to get to me and lie me down flat.

Another pain rolls over me and I try not to make a sound, knowing that to distract Mace now would be my undoing.  I did tremble against it and I heard him hiss words of encouragement to me before he lurched against the pillar and the weakened rope binding him snapped loudly.  

Untangling himself rapidly, he came around to face me and set about hacking away at my own bindings.  Taking deep breaths to control the pain and prepare myself for the next wave of agony, I wait to be freed and my arms fall slack about my sides when finally released.  

Seeing how desperate my situation is becoming, Mace kindly lowers me gently down to the floor, bundling his cloak and placing it beneath my head.  Another assault but this time he grips my hand tightly; sending his own energies into me to help me control the pain.  It passes after what seems like an eternity and I lie back gasping, Mace watching me with apprehension, still gripping my hand supportively in his.

"Do it," I gasp when I have enough breathe to form the words.  He swallows heavily and glances about as if to remind me of the situation, which for the record, I am far from ignorant of.

"Mace, please.  Can't do anything else," I implore him breathlessly. It's the truth and he knows it just as well as I do.  I can't stand let alone walk and he wouldn't be able to just leave me here in this state to get help.  And what help would he get if he were even able to summon someone?

A lightsabre would have been the preferred option; quick and clean, the blade parting flesh easily.  It would hurt, yes, but it would be quick.  Picking up the metal scrap he had used to free us dubiously, he regards me as if I had grown a second head.  Admittedly this was a stupid idea, but for now it was the only feasible option open to us, me in particular.

Murmuring a plea for forgiveness, he places a strong hand forcefully on my chest and drives the blade into my swollen abdomen.  To say it hurt would be a vast understatement, and to say that it hurt more as he drew the blade down would be another.  I buck against him, unable to suppress a shout at the action.

He barely flinched, focussed intently on the task at hand, putting his weight behind the hand restraining me.  I wanted to retch.  

"Qui, listen to me!" he shouts at me, bringing my bleary eyes back into focus as I stare up at him, beads of perspiration leaving trails as the trickle from my face.  "We need to wait for another contraction.  Just be patient."

I nod slightly and I swear he timed that speech to the letter for as I tipped my head another pain, intensified by the gaping wound in my gut, wracks my body.  I feel muscles that I didn't know existed, contract and strain, sending the baby up into Mace's waiting hand.  The hand on my chest is removed to gather the infant and I nearly weep with joy when I hear his first wails of protest at being in the cold.

Obviously his mouth was free of obstruction and Mace lays him on my chest as he awaited the next contraction.  I think that happened rather quickly and ejecting the after-birth from my body hurt a lot less than the actual birth, leaving me to lay trembling hands over the tiny being on my chest.

I could already feel the blood loss and exhaustion begin to act upon my body, my mind becoming sluggish along with the rest of my body.  My head is lifted up and my shoulders slightly, before both are eased into Mace's lap, the cloak that was cushioning my skull now unfolded and draped across the pair of us, shielding us from the chill that suddenly seems to permeate the air.

A healing trance would be appropriate right now, but I can barely think straight let alone settle into the Force.  Mace was running light fingers through my hair now, having the same thoughts as I was and trying to help by sending waves of healing into me body.  It wasn't going to be enough, and we just had to hope that my strength was returned in the morning and that it held out long enough to get out of this building.

My son is moving again now, silent as we all are, but tiny fingers are fisting minutely in my tunics.  He's hungry.  This is something I hadn't completely worked out the solution to yet.  

Eyes burning, I can't tell if from emotion, tiredness or both.  I close them and try to ignore the nerves screaming at me from my stomach.  Mace must have done something to help because after a few minutes, all sensation leaves and darkness encloses my mind.

****

Opening my eyes to lights that were far too bright, I give myself a moment to adjust before assessing where I am now.  The warehouse is gone, thankfully, and instead of led on concrete and Mace, I'm positioned in a medical bed which is far more comfortable.  

Connected to two bags of clear fluids that travel into me through tubes in the back of my hand, I can discern that I am on a ship.  A Republic one at that, the engines making no sound and the floor made up of clean deck plates rather than tiles.  Other than the monitors keeping a reading on my vitals, I'm completely alone.  

I'm starting to worry now.  I have no idea what happened during the space of time that I lost consciousness and when I awoke here; no clue as to what has been said to whom.

The door hushes open and I make an attempt to sit up to see who it is, but a spike of pain through my waist warns me against the action, and I promptly lie flat.  I hear the tapping of a gimmer stick and sigh in relief that it is my Master who has come to visit me.  

Levitating up, the small creature perches on the edge of the bed by my arm and gazes at me silently.

"No need for concern, there is.  Obi-Wan with us has come, but knows little he does.  Only that a son you have.  To you, I will leave such things," he speaks softly, a small hand reaching out and laying itself gently on my arm.

Obi-Wan?  Here?  A sweep of the ship confirms what I have been told.  I can also feel my son, in fact, I can almost sense them as one being they are so close to each other.  I open my mouth but Yoda answers me before I can even ask.

"Fine your son is.  Starved he was, deprived of milk.  Attending to him, the healer is.  Quite attached to him, young Obi-Wan is."

I nod slightly, noting absently that my palms are damp, probably from the bacta that healed the torn skin caused by the ropes that had held us.

"What happened?"  I wanted to know exactly what had happened in that chunk of time that was infuriatingly absent from my mind.

"Searched the building, Master Windu did, when resting you were.  Discovered your lightsabres and communicators he did.  Escape, you were expected to."  He raises a hand to stop me from interrupting.  "Fine the delegates are.  Unknown the attackers' intentions were, but stopped they have been.  Did not wish you harm, only want time for themselves, they did.  Because of you this might have been, hmm?"

I nod in understanding.  Heavily pregnant as I had been, they had probably been concerned that what had happened might have occurred, and so timed our ability to escape according with their plans.

"Contacted us, he did, and kept you both unconscious all day until we arrived.  On the way to you, we already were when sensed I did that something was wrong.  Gave us your position he did, and bringing you home now we are."

Well, now that I was up to date, there were other concerns that needed to be addressed.  I hadn't actually spoken to Yoda about all this, but I think he knew enough to ensure that he would be able to offer assistance if need be, like now come to think of it.  My 'plan' had just about gone out of the window with Obi-Wan here.  I'm an idiot.  Why did I leave home in the first place?

"Master, what do you believe I should do?"

He smiles in that funny little way of his.  "Speak to your apprentice, you should.  Necessary that was at the start but ignored it you did.  Ran from it you did. Stupid you were."

Thank you.  I cottoned onto that whilst tied to the pillar.

"But, understand I do.  So certain are you of your apprentice's rejection?  Never asked him what he felt, you did.  A good time for that it is now.  This child was not of your actions, but of the Force.  A greater purpose for you and your child it has.  Summon Obi-Wan to you now, I shall.  Your child sleeping he is.  Be with him later you can."

I watched numbly as he hopped back off the bed and made his way to the door.  He looked back at the exit, the doors already open, murmured 'congratulations' and then disappeared around the corner.  

I'm beginning to think I should have composed what I'm going to say to Obi-Wan before hand.  

It's not long before the doors open again and Obi-Wan comes to my side with a lot more haste than Yoda had displayed.  Taking a seat in the chair next to the bed, he takes my hand in his, does a quick visual check over my body, and then just stares into my eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he chokes finally.  He's upset.  Great.  Now I really feel bad.  I thought I did all this to avoid hurting him.  

I'm not sure how to answer that, so for a moment I say nothing.  Then, I decided the slow realization and moment of clarity on his part would be a better, and less painful, approach for all parties.  Why am I going to do this?  Because I have gone insane and am wrapped up in confusion so as to warp my mind a little.  I honestly don't know what I'm going on about.

"Have you felt the child in the Force yet, Obi-Wan?"

He looks confused, but, as an obedient apprentice he closes his eyes and I can feel the Force pulling him from this room.  Suddenly bright, beautiful eyes snap open and stare at me in disbelief, and I think, joy?

"He's ours?" he asks me, leaning over me now.  It had taken me years to be in close contact with this man without trembling, but now I'm barely maintaining my composure.

"Yes Obi-Wan, he's ours."

*****

I wake with a start.  A chill has seeped deep into my bones and I can see my breath hovering in front of my face.  Disorientated, I realize with a sinking feeling that I have been dreaming.  It could have been a message from the Force, or some wishful thinking.  Either way, I sincerely wish it was true, but it's not, and nothing I do will change reality.

Still in the warehouse, I find that I am completely alone; Mace and my son have both disappeared.  I am wrapped securely in my own cloak with Mace's bundled beneath my head, neither offering much warmth.  There is a small fire crackling a meter or so from my head, the remains of what seems to rubbish crisping slowly.  That was dying too and with some sadistic irony, it dissolves into smoking embers before my eyes.

I almost found it in me to laugh, almost.  A quick sweep with the Force assures me of the pair's presence, both moving back to me at a good speed.  I consider moving to intercept them, but the scream from my gut assures me that they will be here in good time so I should just wait for them. 

I move my hand slowly to the wound and find that the skin is smooth, just extremely sore and tender.  Fully awake now thanks to the cold, I settle into a light healing trance and set about soothing angry nerves and finishing up what Mace had started.

Sensing my friend now, I resurface and open my eyes to confirm what my Force-sense was telling me.  Sure enough, Mace is kneeling over me holding a securely wrapped bundle close to his chest.  Shifting him to one arm, he removes a water pouch from his tunics and offers it to me, feeling at my forehead and cheeks when I take it from his hand.

"You look better than you did, my friend.  I left for the planet missionary a short way from here to tend to your son and fetch some water.  I found our communicators outside the building, along with out lightsabres.

Dejavu

"Our kidnappers obviously only wanted us out of the way for a short time.  I have no idea what they have done, or if they have even done anything.  I don't think we have anything to worry about though; it would have been blasted out of every news speaker on the planet if something had happened."

After taking a few replenishing gulps, I hand back the pouch and ease myself up into a sitting position.  Mace watches me silently, prepared to offer assistance should I need it but leaving me to handle myself if I can.  I always liked that about him.

Thankfully, the trance I did manage has alleviated most of the pain and I only feel a tingling discomfort at moving.  Nodding slightly, I extend a hand which he takes and pulls me upright with.  Straightening is more of a problem but skin stretches and nerves resign to the fact that I'm ignoring them, and I find I can walk well enough.

An arm slips around my waist and I allow some of my weight to fall into the other body, my child now handed to me to hold close to my chest.  He is asleep; obviously satisfied with what Mace had managed to obtain for him.  Cleaned now, a small cherubic face has a tiny curled fist against its forehead.  A light fall of flame-kissed blond hair and strawberry eyelashes remind me of what I am holding in my arms.  I can only hold him tighter to me.

"I'm sorry I left you, but I knew you couldn't be moved without serious damage," Mace was saying now, not that I was paying much attention.  The world was moving past me again, like it had so many months ago.  Even after carrying him, birthing him and holding him, only now did the full realization that I was a father sink in.  Suddenly what I was planning to do seemed pretty stupid.

I felt the arm around me tighten briefly.  He's obviously keeping an eye on my emotions and thoughts as well as my physical condition.  Strangely, I feel no desire to raise my shields against him; I have shared so much with him already.

"I still have some credits on me, believe it or not.  We'll take a transport back to the ship and head back to Coruscant," Mace said, that bit of the one-sided conversation seeping through my fogged brain.

I nod numbly and continue walking.  He stirs within my arms, a quiet wail of discomfort before he sinks back into silent slumber.  I feel my heart contract at the sight of it, my stomach feeling like a hyperactive ball of lead.  Another squeeze around my waist and I can hear Mace's thoughts drifting through to join my own.

//Everything will be fine//

I don't feel that I can rely on that hope.  Not now anyway.

****

"Master Jinn, Master Windu, how can I help you?"  

The journey back has been arduous to say the least.  My mind had been shouting at my heart for most of the journey, an insightful comment from Mace silencing the debate and giving me relief every now and then.  Finally, my head won, which I had hoped it wouldn't in some dark corner of my mind.

I now stood before Li'Ra, the woman responsible for caring for the youngest initiates in the Temple, holding my secret son in my arms for possibly the last time.  My mouth said what my heart refused to be a part of.

"We came across his mother during our mission.  She died just after giving birth and he has an extremely high midichlorian count.  If you could care for him..."

A soft smile graces her lips and she extends her hands to take the child from me.  Not just any child though.  My child.  Hesitating for one dangerous second, I maneuver him into the woman's arms and he instantly opens his bright eyes at sensing a new Force-signature.  A spark of pride blossoms inside me and I hide it terribly.

Li'Ra notices my soft smile and her lips move into one of their own.  "I see you have become quite attached to him.  Perhaps you will train him when he is old enough."

I hadn't thought of that, and with that innocent comment, a wave of hope washes over my agonizing spirit, soothing it and I revel in the sensation and relief.

"Perhaps."

She runs a finger down the rounded cheek, rewarded when the extremity is grasped inside a small fist and held with surprising strength.  "Has he a name?"

I'm still watching him.

"His mother?  Did she name him before she passed?"

An internal smirk and external smile.  Mace had been intently curious about what I would call him, but didn't actually ask.

"Actually it was Master Windu who birthed him.  She named her son after him."

I can feel the lightening bolt of surprise hit me from the man stood in the doorway, only a few feet from where we are conversing, then, a swell of warmth and honor.

"Mace," Li'Ra says softly, testing the name on her tongue.  Nodding in confirmation, she assures me that she will give young Mace plenty of attention and love before carrying him away from me to seek a cot for him.

A hand places itself on my shoulder, the warmth passing through my cloak and tunics into my flesh.  I turn to find him, frowning?  That's wrong.

"I think you've made a terrible mistake, my friend," he says softly, shaking his head lightly.

Argh!  Not this again!  He has lectured me for no less than 10 hours total about the 'fact' that telling my Padawan about this entire affair is the right thing to do, rather than this course of action.

I give him an exasperated and, quite frankly, pained look, bracing myself for another lecture.

"Fear leads to the dark side," Mace chides lightly with a smile.

"And badly timed lectures lead to the healers, which, conveniently, aren't too far away from here," I quip back with a wry smile.

He dismisses that with another shake of his head.

"I mean naming your son after me, Qui.  Surely there are better names that would suit him."

I seem to consider that for about a second before shaking my own head at him.  "No, I named him correctly.  What name is better than that of my best friend; the man who birthed my son, cared for him and put up with his father's coffee cravings."

"At two in the morning."

"On the transport ship."

"Where they had no coffee."

We both grin and, his hand still firmly clasping my shoulder, head out of the initiates ward.  Mace was right.  It did all work out right.  Apart from the fact that I have to face Obi-Wan and act like nothing has happened for the next few years.  A small price to pay to know that my life is going to be fairly straightforward from now on.

I just hope the Force doesn't disagree with me.

End. 


End file.
